My housemate’s financial situation is really bad, and they keep asking me for loans. At first, I agreed, but now they don’t pay me back, and I’m starting to struggle. Would it be rude to say something directly, or is solidarity more important? What would you do?
6 Answers
6How long has this situation been like this? Did they initially make refunds and then stop, or has it been this way from the start? I think motivation is important because sometimes it seems like people turn this into a habit.
There was a girl in our university who was just like that. At first, you’re nice and supportive, but then they start to take it for granted, thinking, “Oh, she’ll help anyway.” I think you should set a clear boundary and say it openly. Otherwise, it just keeps going on, unfortunately 
I think you also have a bit of a fault. If you had made it clear from the beginning with something like ‘yes, but by this date,’ it wouldn’t have gotten this big. Now you say that neither the debt is being paid nor are you having a hard time. That’s why you should learn to set your boundaries a little more clearly.
There are two important issues here: both your own budgeting management and your ability to set boundaries. The other party may not be exploiting your tolerance with bad intentions, but saying a clear “no” does not harm solidarity with anyone. Psychologically, in such situations, the best approach is open communication.
Let me add something here; at first, he was paying off his debts, but he couldn’t find a job during the pandemic, and since then, as I said… He’s actually not a bad person, I don’t think he would exploit this. But as you mentioned, it seems I will need to talk now.
Then, when you talk, let him know that you have been struggling since the pandemic, but that you also have your limits. If you say it in a friendly way, he won’t take it badly. I also think you should discuss cause and effect; maybe he hasn’t even thought of a solution?