For a while now, my roommate has been expecting me to clean all the time. I mean, I get it; living in a clean house is nice, but sometimes I really feel overwhelmed. Now moving out is also on the table; should I prefer to be alone, or should I keep the same arrangement with someone else?
I think loneliness is better. Not everyone is meant to get married, hehe.
How much was she exaggerating the cleaning? I mean, you might not have done anything at all, maybe that’s why she wants to leave?
@kahvebitmeden no way, I’m not careless actually, but they constantly thought I should take charge. They could have taken care of it too, right?
As someone who lost a roommate over cleaning issues back in the day, I can say that you can’t do it without rules. But I think being alone is nice too; it keeps your mind at ease.
not cleaning is basically disrespectful. when you’re alone, what will happen, will you live in a house full of dust? I think being alone isn’t a solution without establishing some order.
@soncaykaldi you’re both right and wrong. You’re not accountable to anyone by yourself. That’s why solitude seems more reasonable to me; setting rules is harder, after all…
If you are feeling overwhelmed by cleaning; it might be a sensible solution to hire professional cleaning services at regular intervals. Especially if you’re tired of the sharing issue, it makes more sense to try it on your own.
If they were so concerned about cleanliness, they could have considered hiring a professional service. I think you should give it a try before being alone; if you find someone else, you’ll see what it’s like to live with a different person. Maybe the problem is just with them, and you wouldn’t have as many issues with another roommate.
Finding someone else might be a solution, but I suggest you also take a look at your own habits during this process. There could be things you’re unaware of, and the issue might be with your new roommate as well. Living with everyone is challenging in its own way, after all.
I’ve gone past finding someone else; living with a new person is quite risky if their character doesn’t match, tougher conflicts can arise. Now just take a look at your loneliness, are you really at ease? Later, you might establish your routine and perhaps share it with someone like that again.
Why are you so upset when you leave? It feels like something other than just cleaning has disturbed you. Is that the real reason?
I don’t think everything looks like cleanliness either. It might be a little disruption of habits, a fear of change in the order, or a feeling of emptiness. Will you really miss him, or is it the current order you miss? Take a look at that.
You say you feel sad about his moving, but if the cleaning issue has grown this much, when did your relationship actually start to deteriorate? Or did you overlook something, and now it’s hitting you in the face with his moving?
I think the cleaning seems like an excuse. Maybe the real problems are hidden elsewhere. Change is always difficult, but a new beginning can also be an opportunity. Although being alone may feel hard, perhaps a little self-reflection will do good.
A lot has been said about the issue of cleanliness, but let me look at it from another angle: if fractures started because of cleanliness, could this moving process have turned into an even bigger farewell in your mind? In other words, is it because of things you couldn’t share or discuss outside of cleanliness that you’ve been so concerned? Sometimes, the unresolved matters can make the separation feel heavier. If you’d like, you can weigh these things.
Maybe the cleaning wasn’t the issue, but rather the ways you communicate? Cleaning was just one part of the mess, it seems there are other knots underneath. So why didn’t you sit down and open up all at once, before the move?
Perhaps this sadness is more about the fear of not being able to cope without him than his departure. So the tidying up and order might be an excuse; the real issue could be not knowing how to fill that void. I wondered if you ever tried living alone.
Maybe the issue isn’t that he’s moving, but that you have no control or say in this. Sometimes, people get more caught up in being left passive than the events themselves. So it might not be about the cleaning or loneliness, but rather the feeling of “I didn’t make this decision” that’s wearing you out more.
So besides cleaning, is there anything you’ve gotten closer to or shared recently? Sometimes people start to distance themselves and cool off when they know a breakup is coming. Were there any signs of reservation on your part before the breakup?