Friends, when I first moved in, my roommate seemed pretty calm and organized, but for the last two months, her boyfriend has been constantly at our place. Honestly, it bothers me to come home and encounter a stranger. I thought it would be okay for a week, but itās like heās almost living with us now. I tried to talk to her, and she said, ābut he feels good here.ā What would you do in my place? Am I being too sensitive?
6 Answers
6I donāt think youāre being sensitive at all. Sure, bringing your partner home is fine, but having them here all the time is a different matter. When you share a home, there should be rules. Clearly, you havenāt made your boundaries clear; you need to have a more straightforward conversation with them. They said, āTheyāre human too,ā but arenāt you uncomfortable living with three people at home?
This situation is actually a violation of personal space. If youāre feeling uncomfortable, itās your right to clearly define that boundary. Explain openly why your partnerās constant presence bothers you. Generally, the other personās behavior stems more from habit than from personal intent; you can also provide examples to help them understand.
But it seems like you didnāt set the rules clearly from the beginning. Roommate relationships are serious business. For example, when moving in, did you discuss anything clearly with anyone? Like āthe topic of romantic relationships is openā or āno one can stay too longā? It feels like thereās a bit of fault on your part too when you get uncomfortable and bring it up later 
I never thought something like this would happen while moving, because at that time she didnāt have a boyfriend. I chose her because she seemed very organized and calm. Now they are always hanging out in the living room, and it feels like no matter what I say, itās the same. I feel like I canāt enter my own home.
I donāt get it, why isnāt anyone protecting their personal space? Forcing your roommate to live with a significant other is just, I donāt know, disturbing. Is it really that hard to find a third place for them? I think you should be a bit tougher, itās like youāre literally putting a stranger in your home.
Iām only addressing the other friends here: everyone seems to think that managing to live with a roommate is a big deal, but why? After all, how can the person coming in be considered a āstrangerā? I mean, thereās a person here who isnāt causing harm to anyone, yet everyone is overreacting as if itās a huge issue. What kind of logic is this?