My family wants me to stay at home and save money due to financial difficulties. But I constantly feel restless in this house. I want to live my own life, yet itâs hard to go against them. What should I do?
bad situation, really bad
Well, I too had a period where I stayed at home under family pressure, just like you. I saved some money, but the lack of not being accountable to anyone during that time remains. Itâs a tough decision.
So, do you definitely need their support economically? Do you have any other options to be able to manage on your own?
@yazipsildim I could actually go out, but I would have a really hard time and might not be able to save up. Plus, my mom is especially very insistent.
Iâm sorry, but if you canât say ânoâ to your mother, how will you say âyesâ to your own life? Is it going to be like this forever?
@soncaykaldi youâre not wrong, but family ties are very strong for us, so I canât just cut them off easily.
Itâs very natural to have these kinds of material/emotional conflicts with family, especially in our culture. After deciding to live independently, you can try to explain the reasons in detail and talk calmly. Sharing these concerns sometimes softens their approach toward you.
Speaking calmly is good, but some families wonât stop the emotional pressure. For example, you explain everything, and then they start again with, âyou know, butâŠâ to confuse you. Are you prepared for that?
I think itâs worth considering why my mother is so insistent in some cases. Is it just a habit, or does she have concerns about you? Some mothers, for example, pressure their children because they fear they will be lonely or unhappy, but they are actually projecting their own fears. If you can clarify this, maybe it will make talking easier.
When a mother asks about the reason for your insistence, can you get an honest answer? Because some mothers say âitâs for your own good,â but there are completely different issues underneath. For example, does she have a fear of being alone when you leave?
So what do you do when your mom insists? Do you just give in right away or do you actually try to present a counterargument? Because if you just say âokay momâ and brush it off, sheâll understandably keep pushing.
Maybe youâre missing understanding yourself while trying to understand your mother all the time. What do you really want, and what are you ready for? Without finding a clear answer to this question, your arguments with your mother will remain open-ended.
If the other person keeps insisting, and you keep expressing your intentions clearly but then withdrawing, it turns into a cycle. Have you ever set a clear boundary to avoid returning to the same point? In other words, have you ever said, âthis is my decision, and I wonât change itâ and stood firm on that?
Some mothers sometimes want to hold the strings, like a clothesline. If you let go of the end of the string, you canât dry it while itâs hanging. If you want to dry it, it should be very clear who holds the string and who is hanging. Is the issue independence, anxiety, or habit? I think that needs to be clarified first.
Perhaps your mother doesnât know what she said âyesâ to. In other words, did you clearly explain what you would do when you leave home, how you will manage your life, and how you will set it up? If she isnât tying her worries to something concrete, she might be resisting everything.
Has your mother had a bad experience regarding your decisions in the past? For example, if something you chose caused a major problem, perhaps the current resistance comes from that insecurity. Because sometimes old memories can hold a person back.
I think the issue could be as much about your clarity regarding yourself as it is about your motherâs feelings. Have you ever presented a concrete plan, like if I move out, Iâll work in this job, earn this much, live here? Because a motherâs reflex in the face of uncertainty is usually to say âstay for now.â Maybe you need to draw a clearer picture.
You constantly analyze what your mother thinks and her intentions, but there is also a reaction from the other side. Have you ever honestly said, âI donât want to stay in this house any longer, itâs affecting me badlyâ? Because sometimes, honesty breaks that cycle.
What happens when you confront your mother directly? Is she really suggesting a complicated solution to this staying-at-home issue, or does she just say, âno, it wonât workâ? Because sometimes, the issue isnât just how clear you are; it might also depend on whether sheâs offering any way out.