My roommate's mess is making me lose interest in living here

[aklimkaldi]

It’s so messy that it seriously feels like I’m a cleaner. He cooks and then leaves the iron and laundry everywhere. He never learned any cleaning habits from his family; that’s just how he is. But I’m used to living tidy. Should I confront him about this or try to manage it? Where do you think I should draw the line?

[biseydiycem]

I went through something similar for a while as well. My roommate wouldn’t wash the dishes for days, so I sat down and talked to him. But instead of blaming his personality, I said, ‘I can’t feel comfortable like this.’ I think you should try having a conversation like that, because otherwise your routine will be seriously affected.

[soncaykaldi (Son Çay Kaldı)]

“I know exactly what you mean when you say they leave it after cooking. My sister had the same issue, and we eventually divided the chores. Just set a simple rule like picking up their own mess. If they don’t, keep reminding them but stay calm.”

[yazipsildim (Yazıp Sildim)]

Okay, but why do you take on everything? If you didn’t want to keep cleaning all the time, you should have talked about these rules right from the start. I think it’s a bit strange to manage everything from the beginning and then complain. You say everyone has their natural state, well, it turns out they weren’t used to it.

[kirmizikazak]

This situation actually stems from the lack of clear boundaries in shared living. If you don’t talk about your behaviors, it builds up inside and can lead to bigger arguments. You can express it with phrases like, “You might not be aware of this right now, but it’s bothering me.” It’s very important not to be accusatory in communication.

[aklimkaldi]

Let me add this, I’ve said things like “just clean up a bit, don’t spread it around” many times, but usually, it gets brushed off with “I’m tired, I’ll do it later.” I’m not a very harsh person, so there hasn’t been a moment when I exploded directly. But this routine is really exhausting me now.

[fazlakurcalama]

I think you should take a bit of a firmer stance now. You shouldn’t let him see you as his cleaner. I mean, you’ve tried talking to him, but that didn’t work. Now, if he’s not learning to solve the problem himself, show him and let him figure it out on his own so he can notice the difference.