Since the beginning of our marriage, our money has been separate; everyone managed their own. But for the past few months, my mother-in-law has been constantly filling my spouse’s head with, “everything should be shared, that’s how marriage works.” Honestly, I feel very comfortable with this model. Now my spouse has started to say, “maybe my mother is right.” I’m confused about what to do; whose opinion do you think I should listen to?
I swear I think it’s an issue like the mother-in-law’s money, maybe she has said it outright like “my money is your business” or something. Because usually, those who advocate for joint accounts are either very insecure or there is some other interest we don’t know about in the background.
If I had a daughter, I would say, ‘my daughter, be careful.’ Getting married is not interfering in someone’s life. If you are comfortable with a separate system from the beginning, let no one come in and disrupt it.
I think there’s something like this: Before
In finance, it’s true that not everyone needs to be happy with the same model. However, a joint account can also be an indicator of trust and transparency for some people. At this point, I think what needs to be discussed is this: Is this system change a ‘necessity’ or is it just proposed to broaden perspectives?
By the way, when we talked again yesterday, he said, “doing everything together increases trust, my mom said so.” I told him that our trust is already solid, but still, he’s trying to make me think.
In my marriage, we initially started with separate accounts and it was comfortable, but then situations like taking out loans led to shared finances. Now that I look at it, staying completely individual is very difficult. But I really don’t like this mother-in-law pushing.
I have something on my mind about this: Why does your mother-in-law invest so much energy into this issue? It seems like she has some kind of vested interest. Sometimes, someone who says ‘everything should be shared’ might actually be wanting to increase their control.
In such situations, external interventions generally weaken the couple’s control little by little. If the sense of security within you is the first thing to break, then it becomes hard to recover. I think you should ask your partner this: Is this really a need for your marriage, or is it just an idea from their mother?