Itâs been a year since we got married, but my spouse and I argue about almost everything, and most of the time, the reason is her mother. She gets involved in everything, raises her voice even when no one asks for her opinion, and is literally interfering in our home. My spouse says sheâll talk to me nicely but never does. Should I make my boundaries clear openly, or should I stay silent for fear of causing a rift?
I think you should clearly set your boundaries. You need to gently make your spouse feel that you can no longer tolerate this situation. Staying silent in response to an interfering elder only makes it a bigger habit. By allowing them to raise their voice, you are convincing them that they are doing the right thing.
I swear we had a similar situation in our house as well. My spouse spoke firmly with their mother, but while doing so, they calmly said, âwe are a family.â It seemed to work for a while. Maybe you could encourage your partner to have this conversation once again.
But isnât it strange that your spouse never talks? Itâs like they say, âI will talk nicely,â but donât. If thereâs something to discuss with their mother, why is it only your spouse that talks and not you? Maybe itâs worth asking if they really donât want to, or are they just afraid of upsetting their mother?
In marriages, the most critical issue is usually external interventions. If your spouse is not talking to their mother, they might be avoiding a passive conflict. But when you intervene, it becomes more likely that your spouse will be caught in the middle. So, a plan should be made to establish a boundary with your spouse; otherwise, everyone will dig in their heels about their own righteousness.
Let me say this, itâs not the same for everything, but whenever it comes to food or cleaning, my mother-in-law always has something to say; she even goes so far as to criticize the order in the house. My spouse says, âThatâs just how she is, you shouldnât pay attention to it,â but itâs not that easy.
I think your spouse might be deliberately keeping quiet to avoid being caught in the middle. Why might they not have spoken even once? Are they wary of their mother, or do they think they donât get along with you that well? Staying this neutral seems a little strange to me.
This is your spouse openly avoiding responsibility. By allowing her mother to interfere with your household, she is disregarding your efforts as well. You need to be clear. If you donât set a boundary with âMom, this is our home, our decisions,â you will be crushed in this constant struggle.