My wife occasionally goes out for coffee with her old girlfriends. She used to do this before we got married, but honestly, it has started to feel strange to me. When I told her I was āuncomfortable,ā she responded, āI expected you not to be jealous.ā Do you think Iām being too cowardly and causing a problem, or is this a boundary violation? How much should a married person let this slide?
Honestly, my spouse was also meeting up with some of her old female friends for a while. At first, it seems normal, but over time, it starts to feel uncomfortable, you know? I suggested, āLetās meet together,ā and thatās how we met. Afterwards, it naturally decreased. You could try something like that.
But hereās the thing, you knew about this situation before getting married. So why is it a problem now? If it were up to me, it was obvious from the start that this would cause some issues, and we should have found a common ground accordingly. It seems a bit justified for him to say āI wouldnāt have expected you to be jealous.ā
Itās hard to set a clear boundary because personal lines change. But whatās important in marriage is that one party shouldnāt belittle the situation that makes the other uncomfortable. So I think it would be healthier to talk openly with your partner about this and find a middle ground. You can also talk to a professional; couples therapy might be a solution.
Let me add this too, actually the problem isnāt just the coffee. They are messaging each other and sometimes I see those messages and it makes me sad. They arenāt writing anything really bad, but the sincerity feels excessive to me. Maybe Iām misunderstanding, but I just donāt know 
The messaging part had happened with my spouse as well. We specifically talked and set certain boundaries. For instance, I could also look at their messages. So trust was established this way, but without those boundaries, things always get confusing, I understand you.