My roommate spends literally all day cleaning, and if she sees a speck of dust, she flips out. I clean up too, but I can’t reach her standards. Am I messy, or is she overreacting? There’s always tension between us about this. What do you think I should do?
9 Answers
9My old roommate was like that too. She didn’t like it just because she saw the floor cloth in my hand, saying that without detergent it wouldn’t work, and so on. I never shaped myself according to her; everyone has a different understanding of cleanliness. You should talk to her, but that’s just my opinion.
I think you should definitely separate your rooms with strict boundaries. Make sure to have a cleaning day for the common areas; everything will be organized. But don’t go overboard like that either, you’ll get tired.
So how would you describe the cleaning you do yourself? I mean, what makes you say “I am doing it,” for example? Because if your friend is that particular, they might find your idea of cleaning insufficient.
People with such an extreme obsession with cleanliness may sometimes experience issues related to a need for control. This can seem like an obsession. If the same situation keeps recurring, seeking support from a professional could be beneficial; I suggest you look into it.
I should add that I’m actually organized. For instance, I never leave things lying around, I wash the dishes right away. But she totally overdoes it, like she cleans inside the cabinets every day. It’s really exhausting 
Imagine you’ve just cleaned everything, and they still aren’t satisfied. It’s such an annoying situation; you end up feeling inadequate. But I don’t think you’re as bad as they say, you both need to find a middle ground.
Cleaning is a person’s responsibility, but you are not obliged to do it as much as it is imposed on you. Women are often criticized for making a big deal out of cleaning, so you shouldn’t feel so much pressure. Living together requires an equal share.
A clean routine in the home environment is very important. If their system is overly meticulous, you might be falling short somewhere. You know how everyone in the neighborhood is known for their cleanliness, so I think you should reassess your own order.
So there could be something like this here. Maybe your friend has other obsessions, not just cleanliness. Or they might be using your other habits as an excuse to complain about the cleanliness. I think you should pay attention to other things too.