My mom got upset when I wanted to go to therapy

Psychology & Well-Being
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1

I’ve been struggling with anxiety and self-confidence issues for a long time, and I’ve finally decided to seek support from a specialist. I told my mom, and she said things like, ‘Aren’t we enough for you, do you need a therapist?’ Honestly, it hurt me a lot because therapy feels like a very personal decision for me. But on the other hand, I don’t want to hurt my family. In this situation, should my own needs take priority, or should I try to convince them?

8 Answers

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2

I experienced something similar as well. When my mom heard about the therapist, she said, ‘Tell us, get it off your chest, we’ll figure it out.’ But the issue wasn’t about venting my feelings; it was about solving it with a professional method. At first, I was hurt, but then I calmly said, ‘This is just something related to me, not about my love for you.’ She took it less personally afterward.

3

Actually, this is a very common reaction. Sometimes they can’t tell the difference between asking for help from family and getting support from a professional. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is particularly recommended for anxiety and lack of confidence. You can inform your mother a bit more and approach her by saying, ‘Think of it as a kind of education for me.’

4

But honestly, I understand a bit why your mom was admitted. After all, if she said, ‘Aren’t we enough?’ it means she might have felt a bit excluded. Maybe you said this with the wrong tone while talking? So if there are gaps in communication alongside your anxiety, you might need to work on your communication with your mom as much as you do in therapy.

5

Let me give you an update: I tried talking to my mom again last night. This time I explained calmly and made it clear that I wasn’t upset with her. But again, she said something like, ‘If you’re getting married next year, will you need a therapist when starting a family too?’ Overcoming this mindset is really difficult.

6

I think you should find a specialist directly and start the process. You can make it more acceptable in your mother’s eyes by saying something like “the doctor recommended it.” To find a psychologist, check the practical centers of universities or consult with a psychiatrist to ask for a referral.

7

I thought of this: Did your mother have a bad experience with therapy before? Or does she really feel inadequate? Because saying ‘we aren’t enough’ seems more like a concern related to herself to me.

8

It’s not your responsibility to take on this mother. It’s her job to manage her own feelings. You need to make it clear by saying, ‘Therapy will do me good and this is not about my love for you.’ Women are constantly expected to please others, breaking this cycle is in your hands.

9

The mother’s saying “do you need a therapist” made me think. Have you tried to resolve these issues within the family before? Maybe there are some matters that couldn’t be openly discussed among you, and the resistance to the idea of therapy comes from there. How long have you been experiencing this problem?