My mom took me with her to the hairdresser the other day. I didn’t have any plans to get my hair cut, but I said, ‘At least let them trim the ends a bit.’ Then my mom suddenly gave instructions to the hairdresser without talking to me, and they cut my hair really short. I was shocked there. She also explained, ‘It looks good, but it was very unhealthy; it’ll grow back, my dear.’ But right now, I don’t feel like going out. It’s like I’m not myself anymore, what do you think?
my mom did the same thing once when I was in high school. I literally couldn’t look in the mirror for three months. At that age, you need a major confidence boost, you know? My morale was totally down. Tell her not to do it again.
How old are you and are you living in the same house? This is also important.
@kahvebitmeden I’m 23 years old and we live in the same house. Actually, this isn’t the first time he’s done something like this, but this time it really brought me down.
@camburustasi I think high school is different, a 23-year-old should have the power to say ‘don’t’ to their mother. It feels a bit like interrupting here.
Actually, it’s not about cutting off conversation here, but rather a situation where individuals in the family are unable to learn about their autonomy rights. This is especially common in families of Anatolian descent. It may seem like a ‘small’ thing, like hair, but its impact can be significant. While discussing this, you should also be aware that your mother perceives it as ‘love’ too.
I think the real issue is why your mother was able to continue doing the things you said she “didn’t do for the first time.” If your reaction had been clear and deterrent before, maybe she wouldn’t have done it again. This is not just about hair, but seems to be related to how much you set your boundaries. In the long run, you need to talk.