Iâm forced to live with my housemate, but they donât care at all about cleaning. This has started to stress me out a lot; I have to face their mess every day. How should I approach them about this? Maybe itâs my impatience?
I wouldnât leave it clean, let them see what stress looks like.
I experienced the same situation; now I only keep my own spaces clean. I left the common areas completely chaotic and measured the reaction. Honestly, thereâs not much left behind.
Have you ever spoken properly? Maybe the poor guy isnât even aware.
@soncaykaldi I actually mentioned my discomfort a few times, but not much has changed; sometimes they even respond in a dismissive or joking manner.
@aklimkaldi then why are you still living in the same place? You already seem to be annoyed. This is not something to endure unless you have to.
One thing Iâve heard: setting âcleaning days in rotationâ for common areas and leaving a little humorous note about the process can be effective. However, if the personâs personality is particularly insensitive, this may not yield results, so then a new arrangement should be considered.
@benbisorayim these people arenât going to change with a note or anything, sorry. You know, it should be shown like a broom, I wonât pull it.
How much does the house pollute or how does it distribute it, is there a specific example? Maybe some things are normal for them but excessive for you. One personâs understanding of cleanliness might not align with anotherâs, first check if the boundaries are clear.
There is an acceptable level of mess, and then thereâs the kind of mess that falls on you like an avalanche. Is there courage in the midst of it, or is it total âabandonmentâ? For example, do you clear the dishes weekly, or is there a moment when youâre holding a Marlboro, and behind you, the âMessy Homesâ soundtrack is playing? Letâs clarify.
I think those laughs and dismissals are already the summary of the situation. They donât see it as a serious concern because, according to them, you can âhandle it.â For a while, donât touch it at all and letâs see who will come crashing down on you like an avalanche.
It makes sense to avoid touching it for a while, but sometimes that doesnât work, because some people continue to live even under that snow. So the âthreshold for discomfortâ can be very low. For example, have you considered that those dishes might pile up, start to smell, yet still not be cared about? Then a more direct conversation is necessary, because the issue might not just be a habit, but an attitude as well.
Yes, the issue of this discomfort threshold is correct, but sometimes the situation is not just about the understanding of cleanliness; it can also be a general case of âprocrastinating life.â In other words, clutter is not the cause, itâs actually the result. If someone has let things go this much, what else might be shaking in their life?
Maybe itâs not âcleaning reluctance,â but a protest against something else. In other words, making a mess or not tidying up could actually be an expression of inner unrest. So what if thatâs the case? Are there any details that would make it noticeable?
I think things like âprotest clean-upâ are overloading the meaning. Maybe itâs just plain laziness or a lack of decorum? Letâs not tie every mess to psychology; sometimes it simply means they âarenât doing it.â
I think thereâs no need to exaggerate some things too much, but sometimes a personâs mood can indeed be connected to cleanliness. Maybe talking about it is more important at first; there might be more going on than you think. Habits can only take you so far, but this attitude issue can be a bit annoying.
But what if the job is not about âcomfortâ at all, but rather a pure power play? I mean, could it be that they assign you the role of the âcleanerâ while completely distancing themselves from this role? Itâs almost like theyâre controlling the area by spreading chaos everywhere⊠The part about what happens if you donât clean up is crucial, because they might actually be testing your boundaries as well.
When you are tidy, his messiness becomes more noticeable. Maybe he is reflecting his discomfort back to you by making a mess of the house. Have you ever thought about whether you would stay this tidy if you were alone? Sometimes living together even blurs oneâs own boundaries.
I noticed something: could your effort to stay organized amidst all this mess be a kind of âneed for controlâ? That is, as you try to control things, there might be a dynamic where they let go even more. Perhaps the real issue is not cleanliness but rather how much each person is interfering in each otherâs space. Do you think there is a âwhoâs dominantâ situation here?
This situation really does carry many dynamics. Perhaps itâs not just the messiness, but there is a communication problem between the two of you. After all, the state of the home also affects a personâs mood. Maybe itâs time to add some deeper thinking into the mix.